Monday 7th June

I'm tired. It was a long, drunken weekend.

Mrs Redbull started it off when she went out with friends from work for a leaving party. I'd had a few drinks at home while trying to chop, and Mrs RB rolled in at around 1am bouncing off the walls. She's funny when drunk and I told her. This made her laugh some more.
She managed to get into bed, but immediately slurred "I sink aam gonna be sick.". She swings her legs off the bed and stands... for about a nanosecond until the legs give way. She looks up at me from the floor. Drunk-logic takes hold and she 'knows' it's better to crawl to the bathroom than walk. Off she goes, still colliding with the walls. I see her reach the toilet but collapse into a heap on the floor. Knowing she'll be safe from falling off that for a while, I go downstairs to fetch a bucket. I manage to get her back into bed with the bucket placed in what I hope is the appropriate position for projectile vomit.
5.30am comes and Scarlett wakes. I go to settle her, but am diverted to the bathroom to switch off the hot tap of the bath, which I hadn't noticed Mrs RB had turned on full before leaving the bathroom.
6.30am comes and Scarlett wakes again. This time I let her climb into bed, but she fidgets until she gets out to go and play.
7.30am comes and I hear Mrs RB say "Oh, Scarlett!". I look up to see she's taken a red pen and drawn all over her tummy. I then notice she's also drawn on the wall. This is the first time she's done it but she knows pens are for drawing on paper so I tell her off and explain again.
I look to my darling wife and say "Didn't you notice her drawing on herself and the wall ?". She looks at me deadpan and says "Well, you didn't notice when she was drawing on your back."